In this episode of Compassion in a T-Shirt, I sit down with Michelle Becker, a licensed marriage and family therapist, international teacher, and co-founder of the Wise Compassion Program. Michelle shares her remarkable journey from certified public accountant to compassion-focused therapist, and how that path led her to create the groundbreaking Compassion for Couples program.

We explore how compassion can transform relationships — from understanding the three-circle model of emotion regulation developed by Paul Gilbert, to practical dyadic exercises that help couples connect more deeply and respond to conflict with care. Michelle offers heartfelt insights and powerful examples of how cultivating self-compassion and partner compassion can heal, strengthen, and sustain love.

Timestamps:

00:00 Introduction to Compassion in a T-Shirt

01:23 Michelle Becker’s Journey to Compassion

03:47 The Importance of Healthy Relationships

06:06 Understanding Compassion in Relationships

07:51 Self-Compassion and Partner Compassion

09:57 Threat System in Relationships

20:17 Drive System and Relationship Dynamics

28:54 Exploring Dyadic Practices for Couples

29:24 Powerful Exercises to Understand Patterns

32:22 Loving Kindness Practice

33:26 Customising Compassionate Practices

38:12 Challenges in Receiving Compassion

42:47 Communicating Needs in Relationships

46:48 A Real-Life Example of Compassion in Action

51:25 Final Thoughts and Reflections

Links:

Compassion for Couples: Building the Skills of Loving Connection (Becker, 2023)

https://www.amazon.com.au/Compassion-Couples-Building-Skills-Connection/dp/1462545157

If you would like to learn more about compassion focused therapy, you can find Dr Stan Steindl's book The Gifts of Compassion here: https://www.ausapress.com/p/the-gifts-of-compassion-how-to-understand-and-overcome-suffering/ 

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Video hashtags:

compassionfocusedtherapy, mindfulselfcompassion, relationships, couplescounselling, compassionforcouples, michellebecker